The Feedback You Give (and Get) Matters More Than You Think
Have you ever thought about the impact feedback really has on you and others?
We often hear about the don’ts of feedback—don’t make it personal, don’t give it in public, don’t sugarcoat it. But rarely do we talk about how personal feedback actually is. The timing, the delivery, and the style can make all the difference.
Why I Started Asking, "How Do You Want Feedback?"
There have been moments in my career when I hesitated to give feedback—not because I didn’t have something valuable to share, but because I didn’t want to add to an already tough situation. I care deeply about creating safe spaces for my team, and I knew that rushing in with feedback, even if it was constructive, could do more harm than good.
So, I changed my approach. Instead of diving straight in or avoiding the conversation altogether, I started asking:
“How are you doing—and how would you like to receive feedback?”
This gave my team members the opportunity to choose what they needed. Some wanted feedback right away, while others preferred to revisit it the next day or during a 1:1.
That simple shift made a big difference—and helped me become a more intentional, empathetic leader.
Feedback Is a Gift—But the Delivery Matters
Feedback is one of the most valuable gifts you can give to someone in their career. It’s a tool for growth, clarity, and confidence. But when it’s delivered without care, that gift can feel more like a critique than a contribution.
One of my favorite ways to start feedback conversations is with curiosity:
“If we were to do this presentation/meeting/project again, what would you like to see done differently?”
“What should we keep the same?”
These questions allow the other person to reflect first, often surfacing their own insights before I even share mine. More often than not, people already know what didn’t go quite right—this approach simply meets them where they are.
How to Make Feedback Land with Intention
Giving thoughtful feedback is about more than just what you say—it’s about how and when you say it. Here are a few ways to make your feedback more impactful and human-centered:
Know When to Speak Up—and When to Wait
Before diving into feedback, ask yourself:
“Is this person in a space to hear feedback right now?”If emotions are high or energy is low, it may be best to wait. Consider revisiting the conversation later—perhaps in a follow-up 1:1 or through a thoughtfully written message that sets the tone.
Adapt to Feedback Styles
Everyone processes feedback differently. Some want it direct and immediate; others prefer some space and time to reflect. Pay attention to what builds trust and clarity with the person in front of you.
Invite Conversation, Not Critique
Feedback lands better when it feels like a dialogue, not a monologue. Try phrases like:
“Can I share something I noticed?”
“What’s your perspective on how that went?”
“What would you keep the same or change next time?”These types of questions open up space for shared insight and growth.
Build a Culture Where Feedback Is Normal
When feedback becomes part of your regular rhythm—not just something that happens after mistakes—it feels less intimidating and more supportive. Model feedback that is thoughtful, kind, and focused on growth.
Your Turn: Reflect on Your Feedback Style
Take a moment to reflect on your own career:
What feedback do’s and don’ts have stuck with you?
What’s your unique style, and how has it evolved over time?
The more intentional you are with your feedback, the more powerful your conversations become.
